Character Guest Post: R’s Guide to Flying

Transferred from a fictional universe by A.J. Syngraféas.

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Okay, so first off, I don’t really want to do this. I was very happy at home, thank you very much. But since my author decided it would be “so fun” for me to explain to a bunch of people on the internet how to fly, which—may I put in—is probably dangerous. For goodness sakes, Luke would be so much more qualified to do this. So, whatever I tell you to do in order to fly, don’t do for your own safety as well as the safety of others around you. 

Anyway, to start us off I suppose I should introduce myself. (I don’t really know. I’ve never explained this to anyone. Let alone make a post on a website or whatever) My name is R Atara. I found out I had wings about two months ago after falling off a tower. After which, I was taught how to fly by Luke Ketern (aka. The Mushroom Man). 

Again, he would be so much more qualified to write this “post”. So, yeah, that’s pretty much the history and who I am. I guess I just instruct you from now on? 

(I’m assuming you have wings, because if you don’t already, just don’t try to find them. I don’t want to be responsible for a bunch of people falling off towers.) 

• Go to a wide open space without trees

I learned to fly in a forest. Bad. Idea. Got twigs everywhere and couldn’t get the leaves out of my wings for a week. Go to a wide open space where you can spread your wings out as far as they can go. 

• Take someone with you (Preferably who knows how to fly, because I’m not sure you can learn from the internet) 

It’s always best to learn how to fly with someone else around you. Because worse case scenario, they keep you from dying. Best case scenario, they are there for moral support. So that’s great. 

• Beat your wings really fast???

In all honesty, this is what I did and it worked I guess. I also had a bunch of people running after me and trying to kill me at the moment so I’m guessing that has something to do with it. 

But, yeah, try flapping your wings slowly at first then beat them faster and faster. I think jumping helps as well. 

• Don’t fly near a garden…

Gnomes. I was attacked by garden gnomes. Don’t ask. 

• Flying over water is overrated. 

You know all those movie scenes where the characters fly over the water and run their hand down into it and it’s all magical or whatever. Well, unless you want to get soaked, drown, or worse. I wouldn’t exactly suggest doing it. My older brother, Elias, fell in the water once. His honor was forever tainted from that moment, much to my enjoyment. 🤣

• Getting to jump off buildings is great

One of the pros, is getting to jump off stuff without any consequence. I mean, once you know how to fly (which again, don’t take my advice, go get a flying instructor or something). It is really fun to jump off of stuff. You get to scare people to death and it’s just exhilarating. 

• Don’t bend your wings when flying if you want to stay up

Flying is a very delicate thing. If you tip your wings even slightly it could send you crashing into the ground. If you want to stay up in the air, keep your wings straight. If you want to turn, turn your whole body along with your wings. Whatever you do, do not bend your wings. 

• Wind is the key 

You always have to see how fast the wind is blowing. If it is too much wind, you could be battered around like a butterfly in a hurricane. If there is too little, be aware of how fast you are going to have to beat your wings. It tires you out a lot faster and you will have to rest often. 

The perfect amount of wind could mean you could soar across the sky for miles without getting tired. Those are my favorite days. 

• Reflexes

Allow your body to control your flying as much as your mind. If you overthink stuff…you could end up with a sprained ankle, concussion, or broken bones. So just…do it without thinking too much??

• Final tip, don’t run into birds

I know this sounds weird, but I’ve done it far too many times for my own comfort. Don’t run into birds. It ain’t fun for you or the bird. 

Anyway, that’s my major pointers for flying. I doubt you will be able to fly after this, but maybe this entertained you for a while. (Also, don’t get chickens to attack you…I’ve done that before too.) 

I have a very pleasant conversation to get back to, if you don’t mind. Thanks for reading this, I guess! Don’t kill too many birds! 

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Hope you enjoyed reading this short post from R Atara! 😂

Until next time, 

A.J. Syngraféas